Good luck xx. Im a survivor. All the Best! Its okay, he doesnt have to believe it. I just asked him via text after four years of love and devotion is he willing to give it all up for one moment of truth? I mean for me to feel the kind of trust for him and love from him that a woman ought for someone she is having sex with wow, that would be gigantic. This is why we highlight the need for action. You need to write a clear account of his behaviour that is concerning you from the perspective of him as a patient. I do believe he misses meand he loves me as much as he is able to love, but this disability is cyclicand I am much too aware of his cycles. Most of these people around him had low self esteem and really did not want to be exposed for there own fears. You need to start today. What there is is putdowns, anger, blaming, no empathy, selfishness, baiting me to get me drawn into arguments, and lack of accountability in the small things in life such as chores or simply doing what he has said he will do in a million small ways. You can also be ready to say to him that he should also know if he breaks into your house again or damages anything you own you will be reporting that immediately. But I still miss him so am venerable and just hope I get stronger. Getting my narcissist significant other to be accountable will never happen. It should be stressed however that this . He confuses the hell out of me! While taking 60 days of total leave in a year and doing nothing. Is there a point when I can tell, he has decided he does not want to get better and is not planning to do so? I dont want to walk away but he is pushing me away so far and I just wonder how you all find the strength to continue the dance during times like that. Every step of the way I had guards and boundaries in place. I will be back in a few minutes to read this blog. Its a hard life, but for me, Ive put down the sword, and have decided to find the believers in me; not the leaders or followers that are only destined to intercept my inalienable rights to exist. Now because I am moving across the country, I am being blamed for him losing the house. Its not easy, but that is how the trust grows. She loves me for a mattervof time, its all good, but then hates next, the patterns are the same, im close to divorseN her, almost went to family courts, just to set the boundaries the she refuses to have.. And priorites.its 6 years yesterday, I mean, shes in and then out of my life, the love of my life ..yall pray for me Pray for us. This is possibly the most important thing you can do as you learn how to be the asshole when co-parenting with a borderline or narcissist. It might be a better option to push for him to have his pay deposited into your account for budgeting (so his bills are covered first before you give him money to spend) or else you may need to speak with his employees about the situation because he is not providing for his family. He can have what he calls a bad day or two a week where I suddenly become his punching bag and then when I say hey, dont talk to me like that, he tells me how I brought it on and how I dont have any clue what he goes through at work etcyet he says he loves his job and wants to give his best!?!? He is so fake but good at it with others. I dont know enough about your situation to give you much more advice but you can keep things on course if you do not allow yourself to be persuaded to trust him. This is a very volatile situation and you need to sort through it but also to take care. Actions speak louder than words (-: However, I found that by justing leaving the situation, he was finally able to see it on his own, after life gave him hard knocks which took him off his pedestal and he realized ON HIS OWN when the same thing was done to him by another, how wrong his behavior was. He is 40 years old and although we are living separately, my choice, he wishes for us to move to Australia together. Listening to her say mom its to heavy, I cant do it and me having to apologize to her for making her do it. Booyah! I either need to do what I think is correct or if its something we need to speak about I will wait until things have calmed down. Any hope of that happening? Hi. Forget needing him to be sorry that is a losers game and only got things to where they are now. Sometimes we could go for months without one good day. Most of our communication has been through texts but Ive completely removed the emotion and now I have him helping me with my graphic design for my business and there he shall remain. Everything that goes wrong is always someone elses fault and no matter how logical you are, they will continue to twist and turn their way out of the argument, even if they have to swear the sky is green. You dont deserve this either for the rest of your life. Sometimes, the best way to hold a narcissist accountable is to take the proverbial bull by the horns and directly, and (unwaveringly) address their behavior. These times are probably gone forever. 5) During that second move, you got mad at me again and watched my 11 year old daughter who had been on her feet for two days, with 4 hours of sleep and having a cold. I do feel very disappointed in him because this is our second go-around and this time marriage happened. Unfortunately, I didnt have the help you now offer. I dont want to get you in trouble, it just scares me and I dont know what else to do.. As for your car I would make a statement to the police and say it is necessary they investigate this for your insurance claim. He will never admit hes wrong. Kim first let me say thank you for being the only voice that says it is possible to stay with a Narc I ordered Back from the Looking Glass I was hiding it as I was reading it but he found it and boy was he livid to put it mildly after being subjected to a horrible rage episode I put it down for a while and felt a bit hopelessIll spare you all the gory details weve all heard them before but my breaking point came when he put my son out (who suffers from depression) and I told him I would be leaving also but that I would come back on weekends I just needed to be able to think clearly while not being subjected to his tyranny under the same roof with him everyday. He drew me back in, and then I found out at the same time he was softening me up and I was letting down my guard he was seeing and sleeping with an ex-girlfriend! It broke my heart. Matthew and I also go to marriage therapy once a week.this is the therapy that can be super hard, as my husband is such a great liar, charmer, manipulator, etc. Do I love him the answer will always be yes. The pain is lessening day by day , Kim, I love your blogs. Stand up and say sorry I cant be with someone who does these things and get out of the relationship the first time it happens! Dealing with the trauma resulting from a abusive relationship is really hard to do. However this individual, who was in my life for 2 1/2 years on and off NEVER said sorry. The only thing you can do with a narcissist is get them out of your hair. I was lucky to have had a professional recognize him for who he was before I fell into that trap. Now I control my own bank account and will not be involved with him with regard to money in any way, shape, or form for as long as we both shall live. There is huge part of me that feels very used, as if we were just this family he created out of loneliness until something better came along, and now that he is on his way out, he has no concern at all for the pain that created for all of us. It used to be about 70%, and in the remaining 30% he would seem normal and nice. Ive become a new strong women and he has become a new man. Is it worth making then accountable for that? I understand the accountable methods u suggested, done it that way in spme situations. You need firm boundaries that are real and you need a new repertoire of comeback lines that end non productive conversations before they even begin. None did any good. Has no effect. I dont know what the problem was that you entered counselling about but if he is truly sorry he will accept the new rules of engagement. Making a narcissist accountable can result in them putting more effort into protecting themselves at the cost of everyone around them. Ive realized the times he/we are in therapy he is good but when the therapy is over it isnt long before he reverts back to his passive aggressive and non-relational ways. He couldnt see any connection to his actions and thought that I was arbitrary and unfair. Others think he is wonderful. But how can I do it . After his death i met a nother man, also with some npd behaviour. The ultimate problem within them is selfish pride. 1. Ultimately thats whats important if the percentages are ok, My wife been back&4th for all our marriage. Thanks for writing LeAnne and I am glad you are doing well and moving on with your life I am sure the future has good things in store (-: My husband has NPD. My guy and I are apart a lot of the time but he still managed to be emotionally and mentally abusive to me after the honeymoon period of our relationship ended. It was all my fault she says because I crossed the line but she didnt do anything wrong. Ofcourse that did not go over well. Yes, he blamed me for ruining our relationship. Ive told him a ton of times, it takes two and there I go again pointing out the hurtful things he did. He has been paying for his share of the utilities so that I give him credit for but everything else is pretty much up to me. I believe he is verbally and emotionally abusive. My advice, run! They get furious when you seek answers to just about anything. Should I stop saving him by having sex with him when I dont feel like it because of his behavior? Some days I am so glad that he is gone I could scream others days I really miss his presence not him. : ) Stay strong my friends. So I became the breadwinner but still worked from home where I could monitor and also protect him. I dont recommend this to anyone, but as his abuses escalated over a long period of time and never decreased, in addition to other factors, I very carefully planned and executed the plan to leave and divorce him so I could survive. Hi Liddabird and welcome, I appreciate your sentiments but if you share children taking them away without court permission is considered kidnapping and most people with NPD are very good at charming the court system. Required fields are marked *. After lots of advice I have had to step back and watch as my boys grow and mature (2.5yrs so far). Granted he has almost destroyed me mentally but Physically no. I got out. They avoid spending time with you, especially in public. Id love to hear more about this. 10 Ways A Narcissist Reacts When You Try To Hold Them Accountable. It went from serious concern about his behaviors to the police belittling my call for help (we are not here to solve your relationship problems) and the mental health services deciding Im disturbed and needed to be put in hospital against my will to give me a break from my husband. He did not get arrested, but he did get stopped and sent home. According to him, I must have been lying to the government and immigration, and even in court called me a bitch. I was going to divorce him and he asked for forgiveness and a second chance it was good for a month but he couldnt keep it up and now 7 months later I am telling him I want a divorce our eclesiastical leader is helping he hopes to heal our marraige But I feel my N is immovable to compromise. 1) During your deployments R&R, as I was in the process giving up my job, selling my home, pack, finding a rental home in a new state that I didnt know a soul in. Your idea may work but it may also be hard for you to make him carry through on when he gets home. I would not let him believe he could get away with it with me. HOLD them accountable in the safest way possible for you. I fled after just 8 months of marriage. And SO much pain from people who have walked more than a mile in my shoes. Have you approached him with these things as you have them stated here in the past? I had to get over my embarrassment of ever tolerating or choosing this deranged fool for a partner, how ridiculous. This has taken me lots of practice, but as I improve, I feel more and more empowered. Problem is, long story short, he cannot apologise for any of the above and keeps pulling out old lines when I ask for support.along the lines of you wanted to have a baby, you deal with it. 1. If you havent checked out the information on this please see the links at the top right hand of this page. how do I get over the pride and resentment I have? He goes to the himalayas next month on sabbatical for two months and I am praying to God he realizes how much he has hurt me and how much I truly love him and decides to change on his own. He was charged with a felony crime for impeding my breath. Hed rather throw love away (or so it seems) than keep it together by being honest, and being kind. Hi Renee and welcome! I only hope I will be safe in doing so. He is a disbarred attorney who signed an amicable divorce decree but of course, has refused to pay a penny and has left us in a mess. The lack of sleep weakens me and the ups/downs instability , paranoid state he was in with aderall I was miserable I could take him it was a life not worth living. Cannot yet share my own experience but am on a huge learning curve so am needing to understand more and recognise fully that the change needs to come from me: not only because I would like to have the NPD in my life understand the impact of his behaviour on me (and others)
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