Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. A: Black feet. A: Supervisor. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Is that a reptile? A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! A: Bi-focal. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Feel free to laugh, but beware! A: "Hi diddly dee." , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Share. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. . Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. prune juice? Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? . Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? . One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. dee? Q: What do you call not getting busted? The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Q: What do crabs get high on? The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, Key'n'Stroke. by ThomasFay. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. A: Ben Gay. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong Show"? Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. A: The diamond lane. , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? Carson 500's, The 1985. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . A: Fondue. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. . bathroom? Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. . A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Q. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. A: Jaques Cousteau. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. The Question: Name three famous puppets. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. by BMcCJ. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell A: Shake-N-Bake. the audience will cheer. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Q: How do you get it? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. (crowd cheers). After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Ed McMahon: Shogun. The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman your only sister. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. "Oh, A: Flyswatter. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. sister. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. kaleido? A: Kaiser wrap. The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. A: Bedbug. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. . Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. Click image to enlarge. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Story. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign (Wait for it! ED: Certainly worth waiting for Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Here's how it played out on air. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Q: Name two words that have no meaning. stops. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." The answer was always an outrageous pun. A: Double trouble. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? hair". "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave.