I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 149. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 28. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 58. Happiness is a choice. Flip Wilson Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 264. 3. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 271. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 93. 186. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Paul Ehrlich, 241. 105. The thing is, Im still getting ready. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 26. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. It will just flow naturally. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 111. 138. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. It's OK to take a break. I am intelligent. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 138. 7. 192. 166. Good morning! And get over it. 73. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 56. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Don't forget to be awesome. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. It just plain forms. I make a difference by showing up fully. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Today I was a hero. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 98. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 65. 278. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. 277. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 54. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 80. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. My chins are a stairway to heaven. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Bill Murray Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I am lazy till I get a motive. 227. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. ". - Bob Hope. Can February march? Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 47. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. So far, so good. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 7. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Groucho Marx. 37. 155. How do trees access the internet? Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 114. 147. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 230. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I see the funny side of life more and more. I'm having a staff meeting.". It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Walter Bagehot. 189. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 2. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Effective pushing often involves poop. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. At night, I cant fall asleep. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 186. 216. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. It has nothing new to tell you. Not everyone has good taste. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? - Bette Midler. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 89. Bill Murray Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. A backbone. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. 4. 94. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. When nothing is going right, go left. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. - Christopher Reeve. 48. My son is now an entrepreneur. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 21. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 85. 211. 276. 160. Short people with an umbrella. - F. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. I am happy and joyful. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 199. 1. 248. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I wish my wallet came with free refills. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 5. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Be careful when you follow the masses. Lily Tomlin, 242. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 8. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. I dont suffer from insanity. Happy Birthday.". 132. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 251. 10. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Really? Wilson Mizner, 262. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. 2. ". 212. Today I was a hero. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. I intend to live forever. 14. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 221. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. It was created to do amazing things. 56. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. A backbone. Art doesnt transform. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Pat Sajak Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Love your enemies. Why was six scared of seven? Why cant you trust an atom? Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 232. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Ben Hogan. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. I am my childs greatest comfort. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. 77. Benjamin Franklin You were too lazy to read that number. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Because they make up everything. 85. 194. Why is England the wettest country? Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Jackie Collins, 240. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. In between, I am alive. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. A wishbone. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 6. I thought you said extra fries. 40. Wonderwoman: single. 266. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 97. Bill Murray, 257. Frances McDormand, 42. 30. 195. Theres life without Facebook and internet? I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Why cant you trust an atom? Stop trying to make everyone happy. I just go normal from time to time. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 173. Ive got three bones. I see food, and I eat it. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Helen Giangregorio. I tried, but they wanted cash. 87. 51. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 158. 57. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 263. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Bill Murray, 258. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 2. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 153. 130. 231. 264. Lorrin L. Lee. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Effective pushing often involves poop. Education cost money. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. The rest are too expensive. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 196. Yeah, so is a grenade. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 123. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Youre not tequila., 5. 139. So far, so good. Friends buy you food. George Burns So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. 148. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 188. 2. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 13. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 84. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. I am too lazy to be lazy. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 207. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 71. 143. 228. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 121. 84. Friends buy you food. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Confidence makes me powerful. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 1. 270. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Nothing, they just waved. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 18. 165. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". Look, youre smiling! - Unknown. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. It gets toad away. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Microchips. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Funny Friday Quotes. Why did the can crusher quit his job? An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 4. It has nothing new to tell you. Breasts dont have eyes. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 190. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 1. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. We have a connection. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 201. Chop your own wood. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 250. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 14. What do you call a bear with no teeth? The best things in life are free. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 261. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 211. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 156. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. 7. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Decomposing. 9. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 22. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. They log in. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 109. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Send me the link. - TS Eliot. 98. Mind blown! Never let anyone waste your time twice. 26. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. You cant have everything, where would you put it? God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Raimonda.B. A backbone. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 235. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. East. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 2. 25. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Alison Boulter I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Yeah, so is a grenade. 99. I breathe in and out. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". 8. 129. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 161. Not everyone has to like me. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 227. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Hes dreaming too. 272. 94. Your life is your message to the world. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I tried, but they wanted cash. Take a look! Bill Murray Be careful when you follow the masses. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 275. I am grateful for that time. Life always offers you a second chance. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 198. 2. 167. 140. 70. Never judge a book by its movie. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered.
John Connally Obituary, Dr Rangan Chatterjee Covid Vaccine, Articles S